May, 2007

Today, ladies, gentlemen, and fellow leaders of the free world, I have managed to answer one of life’s mysteries. Yes, the question of how long does it take for a semi-mental young academic to mark 243 exam scripts (with 8 questions, of which 4 must be attempted), has been answered. 6 full days of marking, and one extra day to see to the associated admin. This, of course, only made possible by a very wet Bank Holiday weekend. Tonight, I shall put my feet up – and read the news from Tuesday, Wednesday and today, which I missed out on by virtue of being ‘dead tired’ by the time I stumble into bed at midnight.

*****

I made a new mix CD the other day. I gave it a rather emo name, “Making It Work”. But really it had nothing to do with making anything work. It’s just a CD of songs I could sing along to as I drove to work. I realised today that Dewa’s Dewi and the Wallflower’s One Headlight are on back to back. Two songs that have rather distinctive intros. I am rediscovering my love for the Wallflowers. (Alamak aku lupa bawak naik CD). I like putting on old CDs in the player sometimes. It’s like saying hello to old friends. Jakob Dylan is the master of cryptic lyrics. He had the whole world saying that his song One Headlight is ‘about a girl who comitted suicide’ or ‘a girl who died of domestic violence’. But according to the cryptic-meister himself, it’s about the death of ideas:

“I tend to write with a lot of metaphors and images, so people take them literally. The song’s meaning is all in the first verse. It’s about the death of ideas. The first verse says, ‘The death of the long broken arm of human law.’ At times, it seems like there should be a code among human beings that is about respect and appreciation. I wasn’t feeling like there was much support outside the group putting together the record. In the chorus, it says, ‘C’mon try a little.’ I didn’t need everything to get through, I could still get through — meaning ‘one headlight.”

Jakob Dylan on the song One Headlight

I wonder how he asks his wife for his dinner.

*****
Tomorrow (or today, depending on where you are when you read this) marks three weeks before a certain rather important date. “I turn 35 in more or less two weeks,” a friend sighed a few days ago.
“I turn 30 in three!” I reply.
“How can turning 35 not top turning 30?” she asked.
“Because turning 35 is from being 34. But turning 30 is from being 29!!” ”

Ah, it’s the change of age-bracket thing,” she conceded.

Hollow victory.

So to make the victory feel a bit better, here are a few things I would prefer not to get:

- a coffee maker, (unless it serves coffee right into the bedroom)
- tickets to a musical; I will sleep and I shall snore
- self help books, because the books should help themselves, not me
- brooch, kain baju kurung
- kitchen utensils
- sepit rambut

I hope that narrows things down for everyone.

*****

And to end on a more sober note, asylum seekers spoke to Year 7 (11-12 year olds) students in the BNP hotbed of Yorkshire about the myths and misconceptions the media paints about them. Maybe this is where we should attack racism and racist attitudes in Malaysia: but would they let us?

i wish u wore yeller n red

There is an obsession
to do the right thing.
But what if
the heart wants
to just
do the easy thing?
“I wish
there were clear
red and yellow markers
telling me what
to
avoid
and what
to
steer away from.”

But maybe there were markers.
Maybe you just weren’t looking.
Maybe you just didn’t want to see.

***

Ken once told me, it doesn’t matter how many hours you spend here. It’s what you produce that matters.
Too many hours spent, too few results..

***
“You cheated on me with my best friend,” she screamed through the tears.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he replied softly.

Who does? 10 times out of 9, you never mean to hurt anyone. Does that mean it hurts less, or it hurts more? Or when it comes to hurt, less or more is irrelevant. You hurt, you hurt, you know?
Or maybe I don’t.

***

When people talk to me of victory, I always recall the story of the Hudaibiyah Accord. The terms, partly quoted as follows, were seen as lopsided and favoured the Quraysh.

They have agree to lay down the burden of war for ten years, in which times men shall be safe and not lay violent hands the one upon the other; on condition that whoso cometh unto Muhammad of Quraysh without the leave of his guardian, Muhammad shall return him unto them; but whose cometh unto Quraysh of those who are with Muhammad, they shall not be returned. There shall be no subterfuge and no treachery. And whoso wisheth to enter into the bond and packf of Muhammad may do so; and whoso wisheth to enter the bond and pact of Quraysh may do so”.

from Muhammad: His Life Based on the Earliest Sources, by Martin Lings

The Muslims were not happy with the terms – as well was being denied entry to Makkah for the Hajj, but Rasulullah assured them of the hikmah behind his acceptance of the terms. So every time I see some sort of victory – or defeat – I think about Hudaibiyah, and wonder if there is a greater hikmah that God wants us to learn from the bigger picture.

At about this time tommorow, InsyaAllah, I will have finished with my marking, and hopefully will be able to divorce myself from my desk, put my feet up and watch some decent television, of which I have sorely missed over the past 5 to 6 days. I checked the tv listings to see what I could treat myself with tommorow night, and to my immense horror, tommorow night marks the launch of what I dread most on UK television: Big Brother!

It was not always this way. There were moments, when I tolerated.. nay.. even looked forward.. to the launch of Big Brother. There were times when I actually watched the eviction show on Friday night, and even knew the names of the contestants. But this was summers past, when there were actually other things on the television that I could watch, should Big Brother begin to bore me.

These days, however, in the very nature of the moniker it sports, it seems that as far as Channel 4 is concerned, Big Brother is everywhere! It does not help that C4 is pretty much my favourite channel, with its offerings of ER and Peep Show and Skins; the OC (RIP) and One Tree Hill and reruns of Friends and Frasier. Now all of that will be shelved, for three months, at least, to make way for the Big Brother recap show, Big Brother’s Little Brother – with Colchester’s own rather dishy Dermot O Leary, Big Brother’s Big Mouth – with the abomination that is Russel Brand (will someone just shave his head bald please, thank you).. and worst of all, live feeds from the Big Brother house!

Taken about two years ago, then still with the Nikon 2100

It has ceased to be an interesting psychological experiment. The Hawthorne effect is clearly observed, rendering any other observations invalid and biased (unless you are studying Hawthorne effects). In fact, in its barest sense, Big Brother is about 12 (or 10 or 11 or 13 or 20, depending on how ‘evil’ Big Brother wants to be) attention seekers looking for their 1515 hours of fame, sitting around mostly half naked doing nothing, periodically throwing fits or picking fights to pass themselves off as being remotely interesting. Sometimes they gang up and have factions; disturbingly last year for a while that seemed to run on racial / age lines; but in general, I struggle to fathom what the live feeds aim to capture. Worse still, most of the live feed is on past midnight, through to mid-morning, when yes, just like the rest of us, even the Big Brother inmates sleep. On the odd occasion perhaps someone blinks, coughs or sneezes, starting a flurry of intense anticipation of what might happen next. Otherwise… what a waste of tv broadcast time!

Now, should I get up at about 3am for Subuh and try to get back to sleep, I can no longer be lulled by the sarcastic nasal rants of Seth Cohen; or by the fake excitement of American teenagers being Switched across the country; or by Ed’s misadventures at his bowling alley office while trying very hard not to imagine him not being JD’s older brother. Instead, if I switch onto E4, chances are I will get silence. Because that’s the sound people make when they are fast asleep at 3am, as seen via live feed from the Big Brother house!!!!

Ugh.

The C4 advert for Big Brother tells viewers to ‘say goodbye to your summer’. I propose a revolution. I propose, we reclaim our summer! We have every right to not have Russel Brand in our faces, to not have teary-eyed Diary Room confessions, to have the right to watch Friends reruns day in day out!! NO MORE LIVE FEEDS!!!!