March, 2004

Ah. So many things to blog about, so little blogging time. Will be brief.

A: Blown Away
Almost got blown away on the way to Uni this morning. It is sunny in Lancaster – but very windy too! I am now cycling everyday, in a bid to a) get fit; and b) cut costs. I even have a brand spanking new cycling helmet – promised my mum I would wear one.

The ride is approximately 15 minutes, which is comparable, if not better, to taking the bus if you count the number of minutes I stand waiting at the bus stop every day. The route is okay – two nice hills for me to huff and puff over in the morning, and to shoot down every afternoon. Today my ride to Uni took 14 minutes and 3 seconds : a good minute faster than on Monday. Take that, Monday Idlan!! I love being in competition with myself (for the person who can spot where that came from – dinner is on me)

B: Spoilt for choice
Quarterly allowance is to be cashed in tommorow, after going to the University’s cashier office to pick it up, of course. Rest assured I will be the first in the queue. Already mentally planning shopping spree.

What to buy?
What to buy?

Decorations for my room? It does need a vase, some flowers and other touches of blatant femininity.
Clothes? Maybe. Then again, maybe not.
CDs? Guns n Roses have a new Greatest Hits album out. (Am shameless child of the 80′s)
DVDs? Simpsons Seasons 1,2 and 3 are on half price sale.

Maybe I should ignore all of the above and stash everything in my secret Swiss bank account instead.

C: My research
I have reached a block of sorts. I want to construct a model (read: economic equation) that measures and predicts the impact and relationship of governance code compliance on the magnitude of severance pay received by CEOs (for both forced and unforced resignations). A prior model which has been tested and is robust was developed by Core, Holthausen and Larcker in their 1999 paper published in the Journal of Financial Economics. However, their model is one that relates CEO compensation to governance. A key feature of their model are the economic determinants of compensation. I would like to modify their model for severance pay, only I need to figure out the economic determinants of severance pay.

In theory – this is simple: just go back into the literature and see what prior research yields.
In practice – can’t find a paper that has ever looked at this aspect of severance pay.
Cue: Bash head on wall.

The major problem in corporate governance research is that there isn’t a lot of theory backing it, and empirical evidence is very shaky (i.e. associations among variables swing both ways). The beauty of it, though, is that there is a lot of space for me to explore new things and new methods. I even have a little black book in which I write potential research questions that I one day may do papers on. Now.. how nerdy is that?

Anyway, back to dilemma…

Potential solutions:

A) Forge on ahead with the model sans economic determinants, fully ascribing to the weakness in the model.
B) Use Core, Holthausen and Larcker’s determinants as a proxy, again admitting this weakness when writing up the results.
C) Use intuitive (as opposed to empirically proven) economic determinants

*sigh* Good thing I fully expected this whole PhD crap to never be easy.

I have to openly admit, one of the reasons why I decided to move abroad for at least three years was because I began to lose faith in the human race. Okay, I know, that’s a corny line – I deserve to be melodramatic once in a while – but I was beginning to feel very, very frustrated at the way things were going.

When someone puts personal gain ahead of the safety and dignity of those under their charge.When someone would boldly lie to others about a very serious matter to make themselves look good. When someone prefers to spread vicious, untrue rumours to tarnish the name of others, all in a bid for a peg on the ladder to political success.

Especially when the person who was hurt was someone you knew; and you were coaxed to turn your back on your friend to gain mileage for someone else, who, for the record, couldn’t care less about how you were doing.

From the sidelines I was looking on in disbelief. It was as if all my youthful idealism was flushed down the drain all in one go. I felt drained, I felt tired, I felt frustrated and I no longer knew what the meaning of anything was. And all I wanted to do was curl into a little ball in my own corner of the world, where I was left alone to do what I was supposed to do without anyone ever asking whether my colour of preference was red or green or light blue, and had I answered wrongly, been taken to task for it. And that little corner came to be this miserable excuse for a city – Lancaster.

Sometimes it can be hard try and tell your cynical self that not every stone has a prawn behind it (okay.. very very lame rephrase / use of a translated Malay proverb.. ada udang sebalik batu). But seriously, everytime someone does something nice for you, instantly you wonder, what’s in it for him/her? Even one of my closest seniors, who seemingly went out of his way for everyone, once told me that he did it because ‘nanti senang kalau ada apa-apa’. And that train of thought can be very, very emotionally taxing. Not to mention unfair.

Can there be people who do nice things because they just feel like it? I don’t know. But since I have been here, I have been subject to R-A-Ks. Random Acts of Kindness. On my first day in the UK, struggling with piles of luggage, a lady helped me along, found me a cab and set me off. She even waved me goodbye.

Only a few months ago, my friends and I were standing in the rain waiting for a bus. We saw one, flagged it down only to see it was Not in Service. Only the driver stopped, told us to hop on and took us to university – for free. (In Malaysia I would have freaked out and ran away – what with all the crazy bus driver rapists. This driver, I knew, because I take buses often, and there were more of us and less of him).

I’ve seen scruffy, insolent looking youths helping a lady with a pushchair off a bus. I’ve seen gothic looking young ladies helping an old lady with her shopping at Sainsbury’s. I’ve seen a man with multiple piercings calm a young boy who lost his mother in a shopping complex, before taking him to security (not sure if the little boy was crying because he lost his mum, or whether he was scared of the multiple piercings).

Anyway, point is, perhaps there is still good left in the world, and sometimes they come in unsuspecting packages. Like a nice, brown paper package with a shoebox of Milo in it. Yes, people, I have found out the mysterious sender of the box of Milo 3-in-1′s. Or rather, shall I say, senders. I will refrain from naming them, for fear of their security, and also because I don’t want them to be bombarded with requests for multiple boxes of Minyak Cap Kapak.

I know you people are reading this, so to each and everyone of you who chipped in, financially or otherwise, physically or in spirit – muchas gracias. You made my week

On my desk, sits a box full of Milo 3-in-1.

It’s like.. I’m in Milo heaven. And… hell at the same time. Because I have no idea who sent it. And before I touch even a drop of the Milo, I need to know who sent it. For starters I have to pay the sender.

There is no letter, no note, no nothing. Except for a return address and a name. It was sent by an S. Abubakar – with a return address located in Acton, London. Neither the address nor the name is familiar to me.

So if you sent that box, please own up. Leave a message in this blog, or email me. I owe you money. And my warped sense of honour has it that I will not touch it until I know who sent it, and have ensured that it has not been subject to jampi. Karang kesian pulak encik abang sorang tu. If no one does within a week, I think I’ll send it back to the return address or something. Or give it to the charity shop.. I can’t just sit and stare at it, can I?

Imagine me. In my office. Forlornly staring at a box full of Milo 3-in-1′s. And not having any. I know I want it. You know I want it. Heck, even the Milo knows I want it. Please please please put me out of my misery. Pretty please with a cherry on top. Tell me you sent it if you did…