Archive for

September, 2003

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Slowly, Bit by Bit, Piece by Piece..

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I am at one of those conjectures where I can’t quite put into words what I want to say without laying my soul out in the open, bare for the world to see. (My soul isn’t quite that good looking at the moment – I am entertaining some evil thoughts as it is, so having it laid bare isn’t really very wise). And yet at the same time, goodness knows I need the conversation to absolve my state of mind. There are so many things flying past me at the moment, it’s like a big joke is being played on me. I can’t cry, so I suppose the next best thing to do is just laugh.

There are perhaps a million places I’d rather be right now, but running away won’t solve one damn thing, so I won’t. Sadly, there isn’t one thing I could do to resolve matters even if I stayed. They have to resolve themselves. Anyway, problems are a state of mind. The best thing to do is just perhaps not let it get to me. Let it all wash over.

I’ve got to learn about this instant forgiveness thing, because I am neither judge nor pardoner – only He is. Some people, including me, have to learn some things by themselves, because however big the carrot is dangled in front of them, it stays dangling unless one chooses to do something to the carrot.

Priorities, Idlan. Priorities. How am I to discover the meaning of my life if I can’t even figure out and come to terms with the reason why I am here?

Not Tonight

3 comments

There are things that need to be posted.

But perhaps not tonight. Again, too tired to think straight.

Have a song instead. Enjoy!

(This is one of my favourite songs off the Hackers soundtrack)

Protection by Massive Attack

This girl I know needs some shelter
She don’t believe anyone can help her
She’s doing so much harm, doing so much damage
But you don’t want to get involved
You tell her she can manage
And you can’t change the way she feels
But you could put your arms around her

I know you want to live yourself
But could you forgive yourself
If you left her just the way
You found her

I stand in front of you
I’ll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I’ll take the force of the blow
Protection

You’re a boy and i’m a girl
But you know you can lean on me
And I don’t have no fear
I’ll take on any man here
Who says that’s not the way it should be

I stand in front of you
I’ll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I’ll take the force of the blow
Protection

She’s a girl and you’re a boy
Sometimes you look so small, look so small
You’ve got a baby of your own
When your baby’s gone, she’ll be the one
To catch you when you fall

I stand in front of you
I’ll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I’ll take the force of the blow
Protection

You’re a girl and i’m a boy

Sometimes you look so small, need some shelter
Just runnin’ round and round, helter skelter
And I’ve leaned on me for years
Now you can lean on me
And that’s more than love, that’s the way it should be
Now I can’t change the way you feel
But I can put my arms around you
That’s just part of the deal
That’s the way I feel
I’ll put my arms around you

I stand in front of you
I’ll take the force of the blow
Protection

I stand in front of you
I’ll take the force of the blow
Protection

You’re a boy and i’m a girl

Hopefully, that’s the end of that

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Hopefully, today marks the end of my jaunts here there and everywhere to see to the new students coming to Lancaster. All in all, today I think is the most strenuous, waking up at 4am to catch a train at Preston, which turned out to be a bus – the Railway Replacement Service. Have I told you before how atrocious the public transport system is on a Sunday? It’s utterly atrocious.

Anyway.. got on the coach at 5.45am, with some random people already on it, most of whom were either drunk or erm.. drunk. The person in front of me was trying to chat up a lady across the aisle from him. The lady initially gave me a funny look when I got on the bus – I thought it was just her who had never seen a Muslim before, but as the journey progressed, I deduced that she actually wanted me to sit next to her so that she could ignore the odd bloke.

He went on and on and on.. asking her if she was 21, to which she replied she was 28. He then asked about her brothers and sisters and I think the lady, in desperation, gave her sister’s phone number to the bloke hoping he’d shut up. But no, it was more fodder for conversation.. with him carrying out what could pass as a monologue, saying things like.. (to be read with a Northern, semi-Mancunian accent)

“I’ll call her and take her to McDonald’s and we’ll take it from there, eh?”
“I’ll just say I met yer sister on the coach, eh?”
“She does clubbing and all that doesn’t she? I’ll take her out and ask her if she’d like to see me again.”

And it went on. And on. And on. When we stopped at Bolton – I quickly changed seats.

When the bus arrived at Manchester Picadilly, the guys who were snoring loudly behind me suddenly got up and went ballistic, having a right go at the bus driver.

“This isn’t Preston, is it? How come we’re in Manchester? You said we were to go to Preston, weren’t we?” (went on to wake up everyone else on the bus to confirm what he just said)

“We were at Preston yonks ago,” said the bus driver in his lovely Irish brogue.

“We’re not at Preston now! We’re not at Preston now!” he screamed as he hauled himself and his three mates off the bus. “We’re in bloomin’ Manchester!”

Yes, we indeed were in Manchester. He was having a go at a parking attendant as the bus left Manchester Picadilly.

I can’t say everything else went smoothly after that, but knowing that it already was my last day at this made it bearable. There were episodes of missed busses, phone calls that didn’t happen and all sorts, but I don’t quite care any more. Tomorrow.. tommorow is for me at the office. Me, me and me!

Oh. I forgot. And I also have to chase down the new LUSU Student Development Officer to ask about the arrangements for Fresher’s Fair. Apparently the previous one left, without telling the execs of most of the societies, from the reactions we have gathered between us.

People tell me to delegate. Well, it’d be nice to do so – but I think I’ve asked too much already from my seniors who have no obligation whatsoever towards the society, but have still done so much out of the goodness of their hearts! Saya doakan Allah balas jasa baik dan keikhlasan kakak-kakak dan abang-abang semua. No worries, though – everyone will be back by Tuesday and then I’ll be doing some serious ‘delegating’ for Fresher’s Fair on Friday *very evil smirk*

I shall salvage what is left of my weekend by fulfilling my quest of finding the Season 10 Premier episode of Friends, finishing St. Elmo’s Fire and going to bed early. Cinema Paradiso will have to wait until next week.
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In the news today – check this out, sports fans (and non-sports fans alike!) And for once, it has nothing to do with football!